Many tell themselves they are flawed, not good enough and unworthy of love.Thoughts like these can wreak havoc in relationships throughout life.Consider this counseling both for your partner and for yourself.Your primary care doctor can give you some recommendations, and you can also search a directory of therapists to find someone in your area.Survivors of childhood trauma deserve all the peace and security that a loving relationship can provide.But a history of abuse or neglect can make trusting another person feel terrifying.As a musician, he built a business on his terms, one small stage at a time, and now plays at least five shows a week. Our niece and nephew run to him, and our chiropractor once called him the nicest man he’d ever met.His shoulders and arms, muscular and tattooed, project strength and confidence.
Survivors often believe deep down that no one can really be trusted, that intimacy is dangerous, and for them, a real loving attachment is an impossible dream.
It doesn’t matter anymore, he says, so I suck in my breath and nod. I listen, and I do not laugh when my husband needs to secure the perimeter of our home each night. “I’m just another kid who got molested.” This breaks my heart to hear, but he’s not wrong about his story not being unique: The generally accepted estimate is that one in six men are sexually abused as children.
Trav believes his story is too familiar to be interesting.
What happened to her has nothing to do with me and our life together." -- "She's using this as an excuse because she doesn't want to have sex." -- "How could it be that traumatic for her now?
She was having sex with me just fine when we were dating." -- "I am not an abuser. There is no connection." -- "The way she recoils from me makes me feel like a pervert, and that's not right." -- "My parents used to beat the crap out of me and it doesn't bother me now.